Chivalry
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: At the lowest point in his life, when he contemplated just giving up and ending it all... something happened to give him new purpose. A different purpose. A *nobler* purpose. [darkish AU, KaguShinPira, TaeKondo, maybe GinTsu in later chaps]
1. Boryokudan

**Chivalry**

A _Gintama _Yakfic

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**WARNING: This fanfic depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.**

(_a slight au with patsuan et al..._)

* * *

It was nighttime in Kabukicho, the city of vice. The storefronts of cabaret clubs, bars, host clubs, casinos and other such places were lit up with garish, fluorescent neon signs. Men and women alike called out to passerby, suggesting they try out this place or that to sate their thirsts or their lusts. Drunks staggered down the streets, drifting from one bar to the next, poisoning their livers and gutting their wallets all to forget, for a while, their troubles.

The Kabuki district of Edo was in all ways a cesspool of human scum, where sin and sinner made sweet, disgusting love to one another out in the open streets, uncaring of who saw their disgrace. It was a town of iron, where only the toughest and the nastiest could hope to survive.

And by most accounts, there was no group in Kabukicho tougher or nastier than the Gutter Rat gang. Led by Joi war veteran and hero, Jirocho Doromizu, this motley pack of thugs was – somewhat ironically – one of the only forces capable of maintaining some semblance of peace in such a wild town as this. They may not have been the nicest or the prettiest, but the Dobunezumi were still straight up Yakuza, and no punk delinquents had the balls to fuck with them.

Because anyone who tried would suddenly find themselves quite tragically _bereft_.

"Damn, Aniki!" swore a burly, tattooed thug running down the street along with two others, making quite the curious sight.. "You told us this'd be an easy job! In and out, right?"

A young, sunglasses-wearing man with a bleached pompadour ran beside the tattooed man, a bent and extinguished cigarette clenched fearfully between his teeth.

"Tch, it shoulda been!" he snapped, panting and cursing. "Fuck! Youse shoulda told us this was Gutter Rat territory, Goro!" he shouted at a fat, bald man who was jogging on the other side of him, sweating bullets and wheezing horrendously, looking seconds away from a fatal heart attack.

Small beady eyes bulged out of a round, reddened face, lips drawn back in a pained expression.

"It weren't!" he wheezed. "I swear it weren't, Aniki! Dey musta jes' taken over it, or sumfink!"

The pompadour-touting punk swore a blue streak, his cheeks puffing as he huffed for breath, beating his arms back and forth through the air as he ran.

"Shit! Fucking cocksuckers! Roach-kissing sons of bitches!" cursed the young sunglasses man. "You shoulda done your research, ya bastard! How could ya not know it if that _Club Smile_ joint was under the protection of _those_ monsters?! It shoulda been obvious if it was, right?!"

Tears streamed from beady eyes, pouring down bulging, rosy cheeks.

"I dunno! I dunno!" the fat man wailed miserably, "Sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

A rain of bullets crashed across the street before the fleeing trio, drawing up a wall of flying dust and soil. They skidded frantically to a stop, just narrowly avoiding getting shot full of lead.

"Damn! Damn!" cursed the big, muscular, tattooed one. "If it were just run of the mill Gutter Rats, that'd be fine! We could prolly take 'em on, right? But, _this...!_"

The street exploded behind them, smoke and heat searing the backs of the three thugs.

"Gyaaa!" screamed the apparent leader of the trio. "Shit! Fuck! Those motherfucking...! Of all the demons we coulda crossed...!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" wailed the fat man, breaking down into full on hysterics. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

The tattooed man wheeled around, narrowly ducking another volley of bullets.

"Aniki! Goro!" he shouted. "This way, dammit!" he pointed to an alley, and began running that way. "We gotta head for cover!"

The other two nodded, running after him into the alley. It was dark and narrow, and they had a hell of a time squeezing past the crates and dumpsters, but they just barely managed to escape the hail of fire from their pursuers.

The fat man collapsed into a doughy, sweaty heap the second he got behind some cover. His face was an ugly shade of puce, cheeks puffing out comically. Small, dark and beady eyes popped grotesquely from his face, stinking perspiration thickly coating every inch of the man's skin.

"Is... is we safe... now, Aniki...?" he asked, panting heavily and gasping for air.

The sunglasses-wearing man shook his head, looking anxious.

"No, not yet," he said. "This is still Gutter Rat turf. There's still another few blocks before we're home free."

Goro paled at this, and he looked ready to start sobbing all over again.

"N...no..." he groaned. "...'s impossible... can't go... 'nother step..."

He felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his chest, then.

"Ugh... m'heart feels... gon' give out..." he gasped, bringing a hand up to his breast.

The fat man's partners in crime stared at him, faintly horrified. The boss and the tattooed man both paled significantly, and they started to fearfully inch away from Goro. Then they broke out into a nervous sweat, and started to scramble away with looks of deathly panic.

Goro stared at them confusedly, and he felt his breaths becoming more laborious with each exhalation. The strength was fading from his limbs. He felt dizzy, faint. His vision swam before his eyes, his head becoming woozy.

Blood stuck to dirty fingers like sausages, spreading across the front of the fat thug's shirt.

"Ah, that's a real ugly flower, bro," came a cutesy, girlish voice from behind him. "I wonder how much I'll need to cut you up before that smelly body of yours becomes a pretty garden?"

The boss and the tattooed guy audibly yelped, and jumped to their feet in terror, turning to flee. Goro watched them numbly, barely even feeling it as the katana of the young woman behind him came up for his neck. In his last moments, the man saw the world tumble and tip over before his eyes.

Landing on his head with a gruesome THUNK, the last thing Goro ever saw was his own decapitated body slumping limply against an empty crate.

"A-Aniki...!" yelped the tattooed man, fleeing the sight of their friend's murder. "Isn't that...?"

"P-P-Pirako the Killer! That _chinpira_ bitch!" swore the pompadour man. "They say... she's _that_ Jirocho's own flesh and blood... his daughter, even! Shit! That fucking cunt...! She's the real deal... a real goddamned demon...!"

The two men crashed headlong into a pair of bodies, foolishly not looking where they were going. The figures which stopped them felt lean and wiry, resolute and unyielding, with deceptive strength hidden in those youthful frames. One was taller and a little softer than the other, and one was distinctly hairier and shorter.

A coldly smiling face looked down on the two thugs, who crashed fecklessly to the ground at this duo's feet. The eyes of a demon beheld them callously. Chocolate brown hair was tied back into a ponytail, soft and silky locks framing the face of the most terrifying woman in Kabukicho. She held a naginata long and keen at her side, the butt stuck firmly against the ground.

And next to her stood a bespectacled young man with an open keikogi, sarashi wrapped visibly around his abdomen. Dark and unbelievably thick chest hair crowned the lean pectorals of a teenaged boy, who clutched a beat up old katana in a hand with four fingers. He looked down at them with a grim, imperious expression, his glasses glinting ominously in the dim light.

Silence fell upon the two surviving thugs, a deathly quietude broken up at first only by the periodic THLUCK and SHLICK of a katana slicing into flesh some small distance behind them, and then after a few seconds by footsteps on the roof.

Two figures slid down from the tiled eaves which overhung the alley, one a man in his early twenties, and the other a young woman who could not have been any more than fifteen.

The former wore an open, tattered and bloodstained Shinsengumi uniform, bleach blonde hair spiked up on his head. His chest was bare, as were his arms, the jacket's sleeves being visibly torn off. An old-fashioned bazooka was slung over his shoulders, a modestly expensive katana strapped to his waist. A toothpick long and slender was clenched tightly between the teeth of a Jimmy turned Yank.

The latter would have been topless, if not for the sarashi wrapped tightly over her small bust, and she wore loose, low-riding red pants detailed with stylized flames, contrasting starkly with that snow white skin. She wore aviator sunglasses over her eyes, and carried an old-fashioned looking umbrella in one hand. Her hair was done up in a bun on the back of her head, long bangs hanging down either side of a contemptuously sneering face.

The sunglasses and pompadour man stared in horror at the two they had crashed into. The muscular, tattooed man gawked in dread at the two who had just jumped down from the roof.

"Y-you guys...!" gasped the former. "Queen of the Underworld... Gutter Rat Wisdom King...!"

"Yankee Jim Sagaru...!" murmured the latter. "Crimson Maiden Kagura...! You bastards...!"

"Ara, ara," said Otae Shimura, the so-called _Queen of the Underworld_, in a sweet, warm voice. "What are you two going on about, really? All I know about this situation is that my sweet little brother needs you two for his work~"

The eyes of the pompadour man widened behind his sunglasses.

_Th-this is...!_ he thought, staring in horror up at the woman, who was affecting a perfectly innocent smile. _That devil... that legendary demon of the Kodokan Killers...! Tae Shimura... Acting like she doesn't know a thing... tch! Just what you'd expect from the infamous bitch who seduced the chief of the Shinsengumi into marriage, just so the Gutter Rats could have free rein in Kabukicho... Truly terrifying...!_

"Ane-ue," said the bespectacled young man next to her. "It's unbecoming of a samurai to lie." He looked at her askance, giving his older sister a sidelong glance from behind his glasses. "You know better than anyone what this is."

"Oh?" said the young woman, smiling with deceptive warmth at her little brother. "But we aren't samurai, Shin-chan. We're Yakuza, through and through." These words sounded exceptionally venomous coming off her tongue.

Shinpachi Shimura smiled softly, indulgently. He raised his sword up into the air.

"Yakuza... Mafia... knight... samurai... what we are has had many names, throughout the ages of this world," he said slowly. "In this age, what once we called samurai... now, we call _Chivalry_."

"Aaan?" came the voice of the Yankee behind the pair of thugs. Jim Sagaru spat his toothpick out of his mouth, the sharp wooden implement shooting into the back of the pompadoured man's head (causing the poor bastard to start screaming in fright). "That's funny, Aniki. You think samurai ever extorted protection money from little old ladies, an?" he inquired wryly.

The terrifying young man they called the Gutter Rat Wisdom King laughed pleasantly, a lofty smile on his face.

"Ohh?" he said, his speech slipping into more coarse mannerisms. "But what would you call taxes then, ya dirty pig?"

The China girl-looking Yato beside Sagaru let out a most unladylike snort.

"Pfff... Aniki's got you there, korra!" she guffawed, causing the Yankee ex-cop to glower darkly at her.

"Tch, fucking chink bitch," growled the man who had once been the top spy of the Shinsengumi. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down on her disdainfully. "Why don'cha just go back to sucking Aniki's cock, an? S'about the only thing that mouth of yours is good for."

Kagura grinned ferally at Yamazaki, a dangerous gleam in her eyes. "Do you want me to bite yours off, ya dirty pig?" she growled, baring her teeth. "What I do with Aniki's cock is between me and Aniki, korra!"

Shinpachi blushed a little, averting his gaze a tad shyly.

"B-break it up, you two," he said, looking and sounding distinctly abashed. "Such talk is... unbecoming of s-s-samurai."

The pompadoured man was still trying to remove the toothpick from the back of his head. The tattooed one, however, was perfectly free to do the obligatory tsukkomi.

_What kind of Yak gets so shy about that kind of talk?!_ the sunglasses man's underling thought disbelievingly. _This guy's the Wisdom King, right? That stone cold killer who's spearheaded the subjugation of virtually every other gang in Edo?! That ruthless zealot with a different bitch in every district?! This is him, right? It isn't just some lookalike virgin?!_

Shinpachi's blush instantly disappeared. Turning his head, he shot the tattooed man a dark look. A vein throbbed in his forehead. His eyes were narrowed, glaring balefully.

"_Hey_," the teen snarled, pointing his sword at the man. "You were doing a tsukkomi just now, weren't you?"

The tattooed man paled. His heart felt like it was in his throat as he suddenly remembered this boy's _other_ title.

_Tsukkomi-giri._

Faster than his eyes could follow, before he even had a chance to wet himself one last time, Shinpachi Shimura's sword flashed out. A keen, lethal blade neatly bifurcated the unfortunate thug, slicing through skin and muscle and gut and spine all with an uncanny ease.

"I'M THE ONLY TSUKKOMI IN THIS TOWN, _BOKE!_" echoed the young man's infuriated roar into the night.

* * *

_Translation notes:_

_chinpira - a thug or ruffian_

_aniki - "big brother" used in this context to show respect or admiration for the one titled as such, such as a little brother would show their older brother  
_

_korra - emphasizes what was said, in a rather forceful or aggressive way, I would gather; what Kagura is using instead of "aru", since she is now a Yakuza instead of a China girl XD_

_tsukkomi - do I even need to say? if you're following Gintama, you should already know perfectly well what that is_

_boke - guess; it is the opposite and natural companion of tsukkomi_

* * *

A/N: I started rewatching the Four Devas arc, and I remembered Shinpachi's line about why he was dedicated to Otsu. Naturally, my mind began pondering ways that NOT hearing her singing could have changed the boy.

Apparently becoming a Yakuza was one of them. XD

**Updated: **2-26-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	2. Ninkyo Dantai

**Chivalry**

A _Gintama _Yakfic

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**WARNING: This fanfic depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.**

(_i really like the idea of a memetic badass patsuan who is actually only situationally cooler than his canon self_)

* * *

_"Otsune, a real man talks with his back."_

The room erupted into cheers and applause. The TV screen was shining in the darkened dojo, casting shadows on the floor. Several tough-looking men were gathered around, seated on mats in front of the screen.

"JO ANIKI!" cried the gathered crowd of viewers. "YOU'RE SO COOOOOOL!"

Shinsengumi vice-chief Toshiro Hijikata had tears streaming down his cheeks, his hands clenched into fists.

"Jo Aniki...!" he murmured. "Dammit! That's a real man!"

Captain Harada, seated next to Hijikata, nodded in agreement, also looking teary eyed.

"He's a model for all of us...!" he murmured. "A true man... Aliens...! Don't fuck with earth, dammit!"

There was not a dry eye in the house when the star of _Aliens vs. Yakuza_ had his climactic final battle with the alien king. Even Sougo Okita had to grab a tissue or two when that man among men made his last stand against the alien menace. And when the hero died, overwhelmed by the alien hordes at last, none cried louder than Shinsengumi chief Isao Kondo.

"JOOO ANIKIIII!" the burly, hairy, swarthy man wailed. He had a fist raised up before him, tears cascading down his face. "GODDAMMIT! THE SHINSENGUMI WILL AVENGE YOU! WE'LL CARRY ON YOUR MANLY SPIRIT, YOU GLORIOUS BASTARD!"

He sniffled, grabbing a handful of tissues and noisily blowing his nose.

It was to this sight that Otae Kondo née Shimura walked into her home at Kodokan dojo, accompanied by her bodyguard and loyal subordinate "Yankee Jim" Sagaru Yamazaki.

She was carrying a naginata with a blood-stained blade, crimson life-fluid generously flecking the front of her kimono. Next to her, the bleached-blond, spiky-haired Yamazaki was lugging a bazooka over his shoulders, his own jacket covered with a fair number of bloodstains as well.

"Ah?" said Otae. She looked at the Shinsengumi in her living room, who were munching popcorn and watching a movie on her TV. "You didn't tell me you were going to be having the boys over, dear~"

She gave Kondo a crocodile grin. The ape-like man laughed sheepishly.

"Hahaha! Well, they really wanted to watch the bonus DVD edition of that _Aliens vs. Yakuza _movie," he said. "And our house does have the best entertainment system, you know?"

Otae continued to _smile_ at Kondo. Yamazaki, seeing the situation that was about to erupt, wisely got the fuck out of dodge, running back out the same way he'd come in.

"Ohh?" said Otae. "But you know how much I hate those _Yakuza_ movies," she said sweetly, pouting. "I just can't stand how they glorify that kind of criminal behavior. You're a cop after all, darling~ Should you really be supporting that kind of thing?"

"Eh?" said Kondo. He laughed a little nervously, scratching the back of his neck. "W-well, it's just a movie, dear... right, guys?" he asked his subordinates.

Hijikata, Okita, Harada, and the others were all pointedly silent, refusing steadfastly to look in the chief's direction. Most of them were at least a shade paler than normal, and even Okita had a bead of sweat on his brow.

"_Oy, oy,_" muttered Hijikata weakly. "_Sh-should we really say anything here...? No matter how you look at it, that woman..._"

"_She makes Jo Aniki look like a yappy little poodle, right?_" said Harada, sweaty and trembling. "_It's obvious, after all..._"

"_Jo might be an actor, but that woman's the real deal..._" whispered Okita. "_She's a genuine... cold-blooded... top-ranking Yakuza bitch..._"

Kondo, not seeing any support forthcoming from his officers, laughed nervously.

"Um. Ah, sorry, dear... In hindsight, I guess I should have asked your permission first..." he said weakly.

A vein throbbed in Otae's forehead.

"Ara?" she said. "You only _guess__?_ No, that won't do, darling." She smiled coldly. "To make it up to me, you'll have to do _that_."

Kondo went rigid, face immediately reddening.

"O-of course, dear!" he said with what was probably far too much enthusiasm for somebody who was about to be punished. Turning around, he shouted. "Men! I don't care where you go right now, but if you stay here you'll be getting latrine duty for a week!"

Then he blinked, staring. They were already long gone.

Kondo felt his wife's hand on his collar.

"Come, come, darling, don't keep me waiting," she said imperiously. She undid her kimono, letting it fall to the floor. "If you do a good enough job, I might even make an exception for tonight and let you stick that dirty thing of yours inside me~❤"

Kondo's nostrils flared.

"Yes! Of course, dear! As you wish!" he bellowed enthusiastically, before proceeding to get down on his knees and attend to his wife.

Otae smiled.

* * *

"Ne, ne, doesn't Aniki make the prettiest flowers?"

Kagura looked up a Pirako. Her turquoise eyes were faintly visible through the darkened lenses of her sunglasses. The redheaded daughter of Jirocho Doromizu was smiling dreamily, her cheeks were dusted with pink and her eyes were sparkling, a faraway look in them.

The Yato lass smiled a tad, absentmindedly licking a few flecks of blood from her lips. Her pupils dilated a fraction of a degree, and her grin became the slightest bit vicious.

"Heh, I dunno about flowers," she said, "but it sure tastes sweetest when it's being spilled by Aniki, korra."

Pirako blushed a little deeper, wiggling her hips girlishly and squealing.

"Eee! Kagura-sempai, you make that sound so _dirty~!_" she gushed, clapping her hands to her cheeks. "I don't think about Aniki like that, dammit~! I'm just his loyal guard dog, ya parasol slut~! I don't think about doing anything like this or that with his one thing or his other thing, motherfucker~!"

Kagura smirked knowingly at the way Pirako was talking. What she said may have been vulgar and coarse, but the _way_ it was said was a way that the Yato chit herself was fairly familiar with.

"Heehee, Aniki's actually a real dork, you know?" she teased. "He acts real tough and cool and manly and sexy most of the time, but he's totally weak against women. Flash him yer tits and he'll pass out cold, korra!"

Pirako squealed girlishly, blushing adorably.

The two girls were walking down one of the streets in the Love Hotel district of Kabukicho, which was probably how the conversation between them had come to this topic. They were giggling and cussing and gossiping together like birds of a feather, the two of them each one of a kind and different, but united in a common interest and loyalty.

Looking at the pair now, even with their eccentric manner of dress one would be hard-pressed to imagine them as ruthless killers or hardcore Yaks, but that's what they were through and through.

They just happened to be thoroughly smitten with their "Aniki".

And walking no more than a pace and a half behind the girls, the normally intense and stolid Shinpachi Shimura was looking distinctly abashed. His cheeks were red and his glasses were steamed up, the young man listening with morbid fascination to the things his two most loyal subordinates were saying about him. The pair were quite boisterous, and thoroughly unashamed of saying even the most perverted things at the top of their lungs.

The way they reasoned, it seemed, was that if their Aniki was hung like a horse, then all of Kabukicho deserved to hear about it. No matter how much Shinpachi insisted that he was "merely average" and "nothing that remarkable", Kagura and Pirako would nonetheless gladly gush about him and his body in the nastiest ways all while keeping perfectly straight faces. When they weren't doing work for the Family, the pair acted almost more like filthy-minded schoolgirls than anything else.

Which embarrassed him, since their main topic of discussion was almost always some variation on how awesome or invincible or great-in-the-sack their Aniki was.

More than once, Shinpachi had regretted his inability to say no to pretty girls, and also cursed whatever attribute it was that caused all the scariest and most intense kinds of women to fawn over him. Supposedly he was really cool and strong, or something, but the teen didn't really see it.

As Pirako and Kagura turned once more to their favorite game of "exaggerating the size of Aniki's penis", Shinpachi could not help but wonder how things had come to be this way. He used to be a completely plain and unremarkable loser, barely able to hold down a job, a pathetic drop-out and wimp who could hardly even stand up straight in a real fight. Yet now he was one of the top dogs in the Dobunezumi, some people even considering him as good as next-in-line to become boss, after Katsuo.

Well, in hindsight it only seemed natural that he would have ultimately joined up with people like the Gutter Rat gang. No matter you looked at it, Shinpachi Shimura was poor and barely educated (having been forced to drop out of temple school at a young age due to family debt), the orphaned son of a deadbeat former-samurai who had only ever taught his children how to swing a sword. He and his sister had had to work thankless part-time jobs for people who looked down on them and treated them like dirt for reasons beyond their control, barely making enough to scrape by, let alone actually pay off the multiple loans and mortgages their naïve father had taken out on the failing Kodokan dojo.

It was only inevitable that he and Otae would have become involved with the criminal element, really. The only remarkable part about it was how quickly they had climbed up the ranks. And even that, at least for his sister, could be explained away by a natural ruthlessness and ferocity that simply flourished in the environment of organized crime.

For his part, Shinpachi simply felt indebted to Jirocho for taking him in. He would do anything for the man who had saved his life.

Even become a demon.

"Oooh, and the way he moves his hips when you make _that_ face...!" cooed Pirako, tittering pervertedly.

"Oh, oh!" said Kagura. "Or the way he squeezes you in his arms when you make a noise like _that_, korra!"

The two of them were talking **very** loudly, catching the attention of numerous men and women. The bystanders gawked at the trio of Yakuza, most of them recognizing those faces from their reputation alone.

Shinpachi blushed furiously, fighting the urge to bury his face in his hands.

Why did those two always insist on walking him through the Love Hotel district? No matter what way they were headed, this detour would almost invariably lengthen their travel time by something along the lines of fifty percent.

"Oooh, I've always wanted to soak in a jacuzzi with Aniki~" gushed Pirako, the hearts practically visible floating over her head.

"Me too, me too," chorused Kagura, in the same state as her elder kouhai. "I've always wanted to soak naked with him while drinking margaritas, only to feel him grab my butt and pull me into a tight embrace before...!"

Shinpachi sighed.

Okay, so he actually knew EXACTLY why those two always insisted on taking him through the love hotel district. But that kind of thing was too frivolous for a samurai, dammit! Even if he made a lot of money for the gang, the teen didn't keep much at all for himself.

As a man who fancied himself a samurai, the boy was naturally given to a more ascetic lifestyle. He devoted himself in mind, body, and soul to the boss without expecting anything in return. His devotion to the gang was absolute and unquestionable, and he consciously subscribed to the old-fashioned ideals of bushido. He abstained more often than not from the pursuit of material wealth (for himself), and did not indulge in lavish binges like some of his colleagues.

Though he perhaps had something of a reputation as a ladykiller, in truth Shinpachi had never initiated a sexual encounter more than once or twice in all his sixteen-and-some years of life. The usual pattern was a girl seeing him and thinking that he seemed cool, then getting infatuated with him, and then finding out that Shinpachi was a total pushover when presented with a pretty face.

It had to be _some_ kind of irony that a guy who was so weak against women would have the reputation of a modern day Don Juan.

"Aniki~" chirped Pirako, stirring Shinpachi from his reflections. "Ne, ne, look at this! Look at this! The lady at that place over there said she'd let us stay in the shogun suite for free~!" she pointed to particularly garishly pink and purple love hotel, with a bubbly looking sign that proclaimed it as _Eromesu Palace._

"Yeah, yeah," said Kagura. "That '_tee-hee_' catgirl seemed real eager to have you over, korra!" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at Shinpachi, peering mischievously up at him over the rims of her sunglasses. "What, is she a former lover of yours, Aniki? You know, any girl who can go '_tee-hee_' with a straight face has gotta be real unscrupulous, korra. That's what Ane-go would say."

Shinpachi glanced over the buxom, blue-haired, cat-eared amanto lass in the dangerously short-hemmed green dress. She was smiling at him seductively, gesturing for him to come on over. Her hips were cocked to one side, and she was showing off some damn fine legs with one hand on her hip. She was leaning forward, pushing her goodly bust out and winking at him mischievously.

The young Yak sweatdropped, reluctantly going over to the lass. Pirako and Kagura followed him, flanking their Aniki protectively.

"E...Eromesu-chan..." he murmured. "So you're finally out of jail, huh?"

The girl smiled at him rogueishly, licking her lips.

"Mmm, it was tough, but I made some real cute friends on the inside~" the criminal Amanto purred. "Tee-hee~! I stole plenty of love while I was there, but... _prrrrr_..." She eyed Shinpachi up and down, resting her gaze briefly on the teen's disproportionate carpet of virility. Her eyes gleamed. "...I never managed to forget the one who got away... ooh, come here, big boy~ Let Eromesu-chan steal away that beautiful heart of yours, even if its only for one night~❤"

Pirako and Kagura leveled baleful glares at the lovely cat burglar. The former drew her sword with an audible ring, and the latter hefted her umbrella menacingly. The pair of demon women were radiating a _sakki_ immense enough to drop an elephant.

"Haaah?" growled Pirako, glowering at Eromesu with a prototypically _chinpira_ expression. "The hell d'ya think you are, bitch? Tryin' to snatch away Aniki's heart with a cute face and pretty laugh?"

"That's a capital offense in this town," snarled Kagura, veins throbbing ominously in her forehead and knuckles. She clenched her fists, causing them to pop noisily. "Lay one of those whore fingers of yours on him, and this Crimson Maiden'll be topping her rice with yer stinkin' _nekomimi_ blood, korra!"

Eromesu cowered, whimpering fearfully.

Shinpachi sweatdropped.

"J...just give us a normal room..." he said sheepishly to the terrified Amanto. Kagura and Pirako immediately brightened up, and dashed zealously into the love hotel.

Seeing the pair go through the doors, Shinpachi sighed. He took a roll of thousand yen bills out of his pocket, and handed it to Eromesu.

"H-here..." he mumbled, redfaced. "Take this. Even if the room is free, just consider this... my gratitude for last time."

The cat-eared thief blushed deeply, but accepted the money from the bespectacled Yakuza without complaint.

Smiling softly at the lovely, if unscrupulous, young woman, Shinpachi let out another sigh and headed inside after his subordinates.

* * *

_Translation notes:_

_eromesu - a portmanteau of "erotic" and "mesu" (female cat)  
_

_sakki - something like "killing intent" or "murderous intentions"... I think..._

_nekomimi - cat ears_

* * *

A/N: Rewatching Umibouzu's introduction arc reminded me of _Aliens vs. Yakuza_. And considering the nature of this fic, I knew I just HAD to include a reference to it. XD And somehow I started writing and wound up with another chapter for this literally the very day after the first one! Haha, thanks for faving and following, MonkeyFish997!

And if people are confused by the Shinpachi in this fic, just think of all the time and effort, every ounce of single-minded dedication and devotion, that Canon!pachi has invested into Otsu. Look at how Shinpachi carries himself when dealing with the Tsu Terakado First Imperial Guard.

Then imagine all of that transferred into the environment of the Yakuza. Because if Patsuan is usually at his most badass when leading that fanclub, imagine what would happen if all that time and energy had been directed somewhere else. Heehee, Shinpachi seems like the sort of guy who really excels when he devotes himself to something one hundred percent.

Also, just to pre-empt any questions, no. Gin is not a Yakuza in this fic. He's still doing odd jobs for low pay, and wasting his days away in the apartment above Snack House Otose. Though that doesn't mean he and the cast are at odds or anything. ;)

As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! If you liked it, let me know! Then let someone else know, if you think they might also like it! X3

**Updated: **2-27-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	3. Gokudo

**Chivalry**

A _Gintama _Yakfic

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**WARNING: This fanfic depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.**

(_some flashbacks, why not?_)

* * *

Pirako Doromizu had a smile on her cute face as she disrobed for her Aniki, who was seated at the end of the heart-shaped bed, wearing only a bathrobe. She slid her kimono from her torso, letting it drop to the floor in a heap at her feet. She unwrapped the protective and concealing sarashi that covered her chest, and she slid her panties down to her ankles.

She happily bared every inch of her body for him, her wiry and lithe figure rippling with lean, corded muscle just beneath the surface of young, feminine curves.

It delighted Pirako to feel Shinpachi's eyes upon her naked skin, to see the flush of his cheeks as he gazed upon her womanhood. She admired him so much, this man who had reunited her with her father. Though he saw it as a small matter, she felt it to be a boon worthy of her eternal, undying loyalty.

She would gladly give him her _everything_, after what he had done for her.

_Steel rang against steel, the sound high and clear. Nine limber, calloused fingers wrapped tightly around the worn hilt of a plain katana. The lenses of coke bottle glasses flashed in the light of evening, the sky reddening with the sunset._

_Blood streamed down from his hairline, going down the side of his face from an unseen wound. Lean muscular arms flexed, and a youthful chest swelled with a controlled breath. Even surrounded by the purple-skinned assassins of the Shinra tribe, he did not show any sign of fear._

_Pirako's sword lay snapped at her toes. Blood dripped from a gash in her upper arm, the limb hanging uselessly at her side. She stared with wide eyes as this person swung his blade in wide arcs, pushing the enemy back. With every stroke he drew more blood from the Shinra warriors, cutting them down one by one and two by two._

_When one leaped at him from the side, he effortlessly twisted his arm to thrust the tip of his sword into their breast. When another came from behind, he pulled out and swung back around in a flash of steely silver. _

_"You... want to meet your father, right?" he said to her, grunting and panting as he fought off the assassins. _

_Pirako stared, abashed and ashamed. Because she had gotten cocky and let her guard down, she had been disarmed by one of Kujaku Hime's henchmen. And yet here, this person whom she had dismissed from the beginning as just a roach scurrying about her father's heels, was fighting an entire squad of Shinra elite – and WINNING._

_"I... I do..." she murmured, casting her gaze down at her feet. Tears were in her eyes, and she was trembling, defenseless, filled with misery and self-loathing. "M-more than anything else in the world...!"  
_

_He smiled at her. It was a hard smile, wry and grim, but still she felt a warmth in her bosom at the sight of it._

___"Then all I have to do... is just_ take you to him!" he declared. His voice was firm and confident. Pirako could see the determination in his eyes. They seemed so bright and steely, and she fancied that they could pierce through her breast at just a glance.  


_It shamed her. Even after everything she had done... to think that there was someone willing still to fight for her sake..._

_"You..." she murmured, eyes wide. Tears were streaming down ruddy cheeks, and her face was twisted into a pitifully tearful expression. "...you'd really...?"_

_His sword flew again through the air, just over Pirako's head. She froze up, terrified beyond belief for a single fleeting instant. For a second, she thought he was aiming for her._

_But then blood splattered the ground at her feet, and she glanced behind herself, over her shoulder. Pirako saw a Shinra fall limply to the ground, their throat slashed open by a quick, clean slice. _

_Shinpachi's eyes gleamed at her, twinkling warmly even in the midst of this bloodshed and carnage._

_"I guess you could say I'm just a sucker for a pretty face..." he murmured wryly. "...but I could never say no to such a beautiful girl. As a samurai, I cannot stand to see a woman in tears."_

_Pirako's heart skipped a beat. She watched, faintly awed, as Shinpachi Shimura then turned his back to her and charged ahead into the fray. With a high, fierce cry he carved a path through the enemy formation, heading straight for the home of the Peacock Princess Kada._

_In that moment, he looked to her like a titan wading through the sea, an invincible colossus who towered above all others. _

_Even if he had not been leading her to her father, Pirako had a feeling that still she would not hesitate to follow him. Just to walk in the footsteps of that giant... to follow after in his shadow... she knew, in that moment, that she would gladly go with him wherever he may lead her.  
_

Pirako blushed softly, a warmth in her bosom at the memory. She smiled adoringly at Shinpachi, recalling how magnificent he had looked in that moment.

"Aniki..." she murmured softly, stepping close to Shinpachi. "...you really are the greatest..."

Shinpachi looked faintly abashed at her praise, and he averted his gaze shyly from her nudity.

"I-it's nothing, Pirako-chan," he said quietly, self-deprecatingly. "I'm not that great. I just... do what I have to, for Boss Jirocho..."

Pirako's eyes twinkled, and she cupped her breasts in her hands, bending forward. She squeezed the modest mounds together, covering her peaking nipples with slender, girlish fingers. She sat down on the bed beside Shinpachi, sidling up and snuggling into his side.

He felt so warm, and strong, like a pillar of sunlight against which she could rest her body and lay her cares. Pirako felt almost drowsy, as she burrowed her face into the small of his neck, inhaling his scent. It was a faint musk, earthy and comforting, with the tangy undertones of blood and steel that so roused and excited her. She loved his smell, and the feel of his body against hers.

From the bathroom, Pirako absentmindedly heard the shower cut off.

_"You guys better not be starting without me, korra!"_ came Kagura's voice through the ajar door. _"At least let me watch, if you two are gonna do it!"_

Shinpachi blushed furiously, tensing up with a freshly renewed _awareness_ of the position he was in. Pirako giggled, feeling him tremble a little nervously beside her. Her eyes flitted downward, to where a certain stirring caused the young man's untied bathrobe to lift and part at the waist.

"Ah, Aniki is so cool most of the time..." purred Pirako, a hand coyly crawling into Shinpachi's lap, causing him to shiver and groan. A certain sizable part of his anatomy was now bared to the open air, and slender fingers gladly tickled and teased the sides of that robust, swelling monolith. "...but he's really cute, when he gets like this... ne, Kagura-sempai?"

The petite Yato had a childish pout on her face as she pushed open the bathroom door, stepping out with her hair down and a towel wrapped around her frame. Moisture still glistened on her snow-white skin, here and there, tinged rosy from the heat of the shower.

Even from there, Pirako could detect the smell of sensual lotions touted as aphrodisiacs and pleasure enhancers. Not that those sorts of things usually worked, but Kagura could be really naïve, at times, for such an otherwise _worldly_ lass.

"Don't talk so sweet when you're trying to steal another woman's man away," she said peevishly. "I was Aniki's main squeeze way before you were, korra. He was doing this and that to my one thing and my other thing back when you were still wandering the countryside. Don't forget your place, _Chinko_."

Pirako giggled, and her fingers climbed delicately up the sides of Mount Shimura.

"Ohhh?" she said, amused. "What about Oneesama? The way some people say it, back even before you came along, she was..."

Shinpachi made a most unmanly noise, blushing intensely and yelping. Kagura scowled at the mention of Otae, and Pirako's implications.

"Nothing like that ever happened between them," the Yato scoffed, eyes half-lidded. "Maybe Ane-go has a little brother complex, and maybe Aniki has a big sister complex, but nothing ever happened between them, korra!"

"Okey-dokey, Space Slut-sempai~!" chirped Pirako girlishly, promptly. While one hand squeezed and stroked the shaft of Shinpachi's manhood, her other hand she lifted up to knock herself lightly on the head. Her tongue stuck out, and one eye was closed. "Oneesama and Aniki never did anything dirty with each other, no matter how suspiciously close they are~ Tee-hee~!"

Kagura shot her fellow redhead a faintly baleful glare. A vein throbbed in her forehead, bulging out visibly.

"Don't act like that," she said darkly to the lass known as _H__itokiri_. "I can't stand shallow bitches who hide their true nature behind pretty faces and cutesy acts, korra."

Pirako pouted.

"Mou, but Aniki really likes my cute act," she protested, pinching the head of Shinpachi's penis. The teen let out a shameful groan at the sensations that action elicited, and Pirako smiled sweetly. "Men really like girls who act cute, even if they know that on the inside we're all as filthy and crude as everyone else~❤ Ne, Aniki~?" she said sweetly, batting her eyelashes at Shinpachi.

The bespectacled young yakuza groaned weakly, panting and redfaced. He looked presently incapable of speech, lost completely in the sensations Pirako was inflicting upon his poor body.

He came, shuddering from head to toe at the pleasure which shot through his body. His head rolled back on his shoulders a little, the young man slumping in the moments of weariness which came after ejaculation. Pirako squealed a little, most of Shinpachi's spunk shooting her right in the face. Her cheeks pinkened, covered with thick, pungent ropes of sticky white.

Kagura sniggered.

"Heh, that's a good look for you," she drawled, giving her kouhai a condescending look. "Ya skank."

Pirako stuck her tongue out at Kagura.

"You're just jealous~" she retorted petulantly. "You only _wish_ Aniki would do this kind of thing to you."

Kagura's cheeks reddened, and she shot Pirako a wild glare.

"You wanna _die_, bitch?" she snarled. "'Cause boss's daughter or not, I'm about ready to rip out yer guts and paint this room whore red, korra!"

Pirako smirked, though, and she made a show of licking her lips.

"Mm-mm❤" she hummed loudly, theatrically. "Aniki, you are _soooo_ delicious!" She wiggled her bare hips on the bed, bending her torso forward to plant a playful kiss on the tip of a dazed Shinpachi's manhood.

Kagura's glare hardened a tiny bit more, but she didn't do anything. Despite her threat, she would never kill the boss's daughter.

She could never do something like that to Shinpachi.

_It took all Kagura's willpower to maintain her restraint as the smell of blood filled the small, dark room. The metallic tang was so heavy in the air that she could practically taste it, warm and fresh as the gleaming blade was embedded into wood with an audible THUNK._

_She squirmed, feeling herself grow hot at the smell of that boy's blood, hearing her stomach growl the slightest bit as the severed pinky finger rolled uselessly across the surface of the low table._

_Perhaps it was only the presence of that monster on the other side which kept Kagura's instincts in check as the smell of such sweet blood filled her nostrils, that white-haired old man with the scary eyes. She could feel him glaring at her from the second she'd first entered the room, and only now was the man's attention turned back to his subordinate._

_"I will take responsibility for her," said the bespectacled, plain-faced teen. "If she does anything which displeases you, Boss, then it will be my head which falls to the floor next. My loyalty to you has never wavered, but I feel like she is different. Even if she's an amanto... I feel like she has the heart of a samurai."_

_The man closed his eyes, and Kagura heard him exhale a short breath. _

_"You would really wager your own life on the behavior of a Yato?" he said. "Hmph... I don't know whether to call you a samurai or a fool."_

_The man's eyes opened again, and even in the dim light Kagura could see them stare into hers. She felt something like true fear, for the briefest instant, some part of her brain realizing instinctively that this man was a dangerous beast who would not hesitate to erase her, young girl or not._

_Then his gaze returned to the teen, and he spoke again._

_"But very well. I shall accept this act as proof of your loyalty. But, Shinpachi, if that girl crosses us... then I fully expect you to atone for your misjudgement as a true samurai."_

_The teen nodded, bowing low. His face looked pale and faintly drawn, but he did not make a single utterance of pain, or show any more sign of suffering over his self-mutilation._

_Even as ignorant of most Earth culture as she was, Kagura understood what this meant._

_That boy... he was offering his own life in exchange for hers.  
_

_She could not understand why somebody would do that. It seemed so stupid, so naive and self-destructive. He was gambling his life on somebody he had only just met? Somebody he didn't even know?  
_

_She didn't know whether to feel honored or insulted. It just threw her so far for a loop. _

_Kagura had never thought that people like this boy could actually exist._

_He fascinated her._

_She had to find out more about him. She had to get closer to him, and figure out why his actions were making her feel so... happy_.

Kagura's blush deepened a little at the memory, of the first inklings she had ever had of _love_ for that man who had given her a home and a purpose. She smiled softly, and did not intervene even when Pirako proceeded to fully mount Shinpachi.

She... supposed she could let the girl have her turn.

She was Pirako's sempai, after all.

* * *

_Translation notes:_

_kujaku hime - "peacock princess", Kada's title  
_

_chinko - penis; also, a contraction of Pirako's assumed name "Chin Pirako"  
_

_oneesama - "elder sister", very respectful_

_ane-go - basically same as above, but with different connotations... probably_

_hitogiri/hitokiri - lit. comprised of "human" and "to cut", I think; has been translated in Gintama as everything from "Butcher" (a la Nizo), "Killer" (a la Pirako) and "Man-slayer" (a la that one guy who was possessed by Maganagi in the manga... probably) _

* * *

A/N: Hm, I think one thing I like about what I'm doing with this is, that while it's basically a For Want of a Nail fic, I'm starting out at maybe not the END, but, somewhere well along the line. Rather than working my way all the way up to the point I would want to reach, I'm starting out there.

I can show the important pieces of character development, and pivotal life-changing scenes, in flashbacks, and do what I want in the present of the story. In that way, it's definitely different from most other fics of its kind that I have seen.

Also, this chapter is the closest yet that this fic has come to outright smut. Heck, I suppose some might even consider it to _already_ be basically smut, what with Pirako's handjob and facial. XD

**Updated: **3-3-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


	4. Tekiya

**Chivalry**

A _Gintama _Yakfic

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

**WARNING: This fanfic depicts activities of an adult nature between characters who would be minors in the real world. The author of this fic does not endorse such things being done by minors in real life, and in fact strongly discourages minors from reading this, and also from participating in any and all such activities until they are at the age of majority/consent as defined in the laws or customs of their state or principality.**

(_i guess there are some people who do like this...?_)

* * *

Tae Kondo let out a weak, almost piteous moan as she dismounted from her soundly sleeping husband. Isao's muscle-bound frame glistened with sweat, the man quietly snoring. He was completely exhausted after their vigorous joining, having fallen asleep soon after coming, but Tae had to admit that Isao had been a _very_ attentive lover.

The man was no slouch in the sack, and he was at least as skilled as her own little brother, although his dick was painfully large.

As a matter of fact, the length and girth of Isao Kondo's manhood made intercourse a daunting prospect for all but the loosest of women, which Tae most _certainly_ was not. She'd put off consummating their marriage properly this long largely out of fear at what that monstrous mass might do to her insides. It was only after **months** of careful practice and conditioning that Tae finally felt confident in her ability to accommodate her husband's cock.

And even after all of that she still felt incredibly sore. At last, she had worked up the confidence to have vaginal intercourse with her husband for the first time, and yet the aftermath of it left her pussy an aching wreck. Even as gentle as Isao had been, playing the part of a first rate gentleman and consciously doing everything in his power to make it as easy on his wife as he could, still Tae Kondo felt a small degree of agony in her womanhood, which had been so distended by her husband's dick.

It was still satisfying, however. Oh so _wonderfully_ satisfying. Isao was nothing if not adoring of his wife, and he doted on her in every conceivable way. This did not change when they got beneath the covers.

He may have been hairier and bulkier than Tae's preferences would have usually leaned, but the chief of the shinsengumi was a generous lover. The months of being effectively forbidden from intercourse with his wife, and being forced to pleasure her in other ways, then finish himself off later, had taught the man much about Tae's body. He had learned how to service her with his hands and lips, bringing his beloved wife up to, and beyond, the brink of orgasm with naught but those thickly calloused fingers.

Even though they had been married for several months by now, this was nonetheless the first time Tae had permitted her husband to penetrate her. It had taken her this long to condition herself to handle his ungodly mass.

...Although she had been too embarrassed to admit her fears of taking him into her, and had instead adopted the guise of a cruel, sadistic mistress forcing the gladly servile Isao to pleasure her while she secretly conditioned herself with various tools, gradually getting her womanhood to the point where it could reasonable handle her husband's elephantine penis.

It had been a long and hard road, but right now, lying there panting and flushed and sweaty in her husband's arms, Tae could not help but silently think that it had all been worth it.

Isao Kondo was a _magnificent_ lover, she had to admit.

Smiling softly, Otae glanced over to the closet in the far corner of her room, one from which she could hear a certain familiar mewling and whimpering.

"Ah, Kyuu-chan," murmured the brunette, her silky chocolate tresses undone and falling in a mess about ruddy, pinkened shoulders. "You were watching?"

A moment of silence passed, before she heard the softest of whines come from the closet.

Tae smiled, and she extricated herself gently and discreetly from Isao's long, muscular arms. She stood up gracefully from their newly shared futon, naked as a lark. Her small breasts were rosy and flush with sweat, and Tae imagined that she could still feel her husband's calloused palms roughly yet worshipfully brushing and abrading her bosom. Her body was lean and slender, pale skin blushing from the memory of recent intercourse.

Her womanhood, still faintly distended from Kondo's girth, was pink and puffy, wet from both sweat and certain other fluids. Her thighs tingled, recalling the feeling of Isao's bristled chin tickling them as he attended to his wife's needs. Long, shapely legs went down to the floor, carrying Tae's body with a graceful poise as she strode over to the closet.

Nude and sore, but never unhappy to see her friend, Tae slid the door open.

She smiled, seeing the Yagyu heiress lying in a sweaty, crumpled heap on the closet floor. Her clothes, fine black and white Edo period menswear, were half-undone, exposing a white, creamy bosom and a rosy, blossoming flower which shivered and wept at the impassioned touch of slim, calloused fingers.

Kyuubei teased shamefacedly at her own nipples, fingering herself desperately even as she looked up to meet Tae's smiling eyes.

"Ahhhn..." she moaned. "Otae-chan... to think you would really let yourself be defiled by that ape..." she whispered, shuddering as the swordsman continued to pleasure herself, unable to hold back the tide of desire which washed over her surprisingly voluptuous body.

"Well he is my husband, after all," said Tae warmly, kneeling down over her half-naked friend.

Kyuubei blushed, seeing Tae's face come closer to her.

"Was..." she whimpered, bucking her hips unconsciously as she thrust her fingers into herself with a little more force than before. "...was he... any good...?"

Her one eye glistened with a hint of tears, full and soft lips pouting the tiniest bit as she gazed up into Tae's gleaming brown pools of light.

Tae Kondo née Shimura smiled softly, giggling the tiniest bit.

"Almost as good as Shin-chan," she tittered softly, bending her head to place the gentlest of kisses upon Kyuubei's brow. "And maybe even a little better, in his own special way..."

Kyuubei's blush deepened intensely. She gasped, shivering and coming upon her already drenched fingers. She bit back an ecstatic cry.

"R-really...?" she murmured. "I can't believe that..."

"Ah. Yes, Shin-chan _is_ an exception for you, isn't he?" whispered Tae. "As a man, that is."

Kyuubei averted her gaze from Tae, squeaking.

"Only when it's with you," she insisted. "Shinpachi-kun is nothing special... but if it's for Otae-chan, then I can endure any manner of degradation."

Tae's smile widened. She placed a soft, silky hand upon her dear friend's bosom. Sweet, warm lips made contact briefly with Kyuubei's, causing the tomboyish young woman to shudder and moan.

"You're a terrible liar, Kyuu-chan," said Tae huskily, pulling back from the kiss. A single glistening thread of saliva connected their tongues still for a second or two longer, before collapsing. She massaged the Yagyu heiress's breast, attending dutifully to her friend's aching body.

Kyuubei dissolved into a puddle of orgasmic pleasure, unable to deny her friend's words.

Tae smiled, and increased the passion of her ministrations.

* * *

Shinpachi Shimura let out a grunt as he came into Kagura, his frame shuddering in ecstasy. The Yato lass was naked, mounted atop his waist, blushing and squealing lewdly. On the bed next to them lay Pirako, exhausted and soundly sleeping, having already had her turn.

Sweat trickled down Shinpachi's muscular frame. Kagura dragged her fingers sharply across his chest, tangling them lustfully in his hair as she came unto him. Her pussy clenched powerfully, milking her aniki for every last drop. He shot a massive load into her, the girl throwing her head back and crying out in ecstasy.

Kagura swooned then, exhausted, and she collapsed limply to one side, rolling weakly off of Shinpachi's body.

"Awesome..." she moaned, panting. Her small breasts heaved with the rise and fall of her chest, the girl breathing heavily. "That was awesome, Aniki. Like always."

Shinpachi smiled, blushing a little.

"You're too kind, Kagura-chan..." he said, as he pulled – now flaccid – out of the satisfied lass. "You and Pirako-chan did most of the work again."

Kagura smiled, nuzzling her head into his side.

"That's fine by me, korra," she said. "Aniki works hard for boss Jirocho, but it's my job to make sure he gets his rest. Mine and Pirako's."

She cuddled in a little closer to the teen's hard solid frame. Pirako stirred sleepily on his other side, too, sandwiching Shinpachi's right arm between her modest mounds. Shinpachi sighed, and he shook his head. He was smiling.

"You girls..." he murmured. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Marry us," suggested Pirako somnolently, ostensibly asleep.

Kagura giggled, and she planted a soft kiss on Shinpachi's cheek.

"I don't know 'bout that," she said. "But as long as it's Aniki, I don't care what he does~"

She then yawned a little, and buried her face in the crook of Shinpachi's neck. She nuzzled into his warm, sweaty body inhaling the musky tantalizing scent. Wrapping her arms around him, the girl quieted and went still, seeming to drift off quickly to sleep.

Shinpachi smiled indulgently, looking between Kagura and Pirako.

"You girls are a real handful..." he murmured affectionately, absentmindedly tousling their hair. "But I guess that's what I love about you."

He then looked up to the door of the suite, the one which led back out into the hall. It was a sliver ajar, and Shinpachi could see two catlike, almond-shaped eyes gleaming as they peered into the room. They twinkled in the dim, rosy light, raking visibly up and down the naked, intertwined figures of Shinpachi, Pirako, and Kagura.

Though his glasses were on the bedside table, Shinpachi could still see just well enough to make out the silhouette of the officially reformed Phantom Thief of Love as she cracked the door silently open on well-oiled hinges, stepping with a lusty smile on her face into the standard suite of Eromesu's Palace.

"Eromesu-chan," said Shinpachi recognizing the shock of blue hair atop the buxom amanto's head. "Did you come here to make sure we were enjoying our stay?"

There was a hint of humor in his voice, and his lips were crookedly curved into a wry grin.

The fair, dimpled cheeks of that lovely, cat-eared amanto darkened with a visible flush as she stepped into the room. The door slid silently shut behind her. As the girl drew closer, walking towards Shinpachi and company with a lusty swing in her hips, the yakuza big shot could begin to make out more of her figure. Her breasts, ample and perky; lips full and rosy; legs long, smooth, and shapely.

Eromesu was smiling softly, foxily as she swaggered up to Shinpachi's bed.

"I suppose you could say... it's something like that," purred the lovely seductress with a gleam in her eyes. She winked at Shinpachi, blowing him a sultry cat kiss.

The young man sighed, chuckling softly.

"Ah, I see," he said. "Well, I suppose I can't complain about this kind of dedication to customer service."

Eromesu tittered huskily. She stepped up to the bed, and Shinpachi could now see that the top fasteners of her dress were undone, baring no small amount of milky white cleavage. Even in spite of all its recent exertion, the teen's manhood still found enough strength to stand once more at attention.

Eromesu licked her lips, seeing this.

"And yet the real service hasn't even begun," she remarked coyly, leaning forward up over the foot of the bed. At this distance, Shinpachi could make out the woman's body well enough to see fairly clearly down her dress. He smiled, despite his usual inhibitions.

"I'm sure it'll be worth five stars," he said.

His eyes drank in the sight of Eromesu's body as she crawled up onto the bed, shrugging off her dress. She disrobed easily, letting sizable breasts hang free. The delectable globes of tender, mouthwatering flesh dangled pendulously over the sheets as Eromesu crawled up to him. Her buttocks, round and soft and generous, swayed from side to side, the girl lustily wriggling her hips.

Her eyes shone with a sensual light, peering hungrily into Shinpachi's. She crawled up over his body, passing her hands delicately and deliberately over the drowsy, possessive forms of Pirako and Kagura.

"The room was free," Eromesu purred, lining herself up with the handsome young yak, "but you still paid. So I'll just have to make this stay worth your money." Her eyes glimmered, and she planted a hungry, passionate kiss on Shinpachi's lips. Their mouths stayed locked for several seconds before she finally pulled back. "That's my pride, as the owner of this establishment..."

She pressed her hips down against Shinpachi's, throwing her head back and moaning as they joined.

"I wonder how that will match up..." Shinpachi grunted. "...against my own pride, as a man?" He raised his hands to the amanto's ample bosom, cupping the tender orbs in calloused palms. Then, with a careful squeeze, he began to thrust.

Eromesu melted happily against his body.

* * *

Gintoki Sakata, blinking away his sleep, sat up in his futon. He yawned, feeling unusually refreshed.

"Huh... That's odd. I feel unusually refreshed," he muttered, parroting the narration.

He looked around at his room. It was clean. Abnormally so.

Glancing outside, through a window, Gin saw a crescent moon hanging low in the night sky. Thin wisps of dark navy clouds passed over what few stars could be seen through the omnipresent light pollution in modern Edo.

He frowned, scratching idly at the back of his head.

"Wait, it's still night...?" he muttered. "That doesn't seem right. When I went to bed, it was almost morn...ing..."

The man face-palmed.

Well then.

Sighing, almost knowing before glancing what he would see, Gin looked irritably at his Justaway alarm clock.

It was lying, broken, on its side, visibly impaled by a handful of kunai and shuriken.

A vein throbbed just above his left eye.

"Oyyyyy," he growled. "Who did this?"

He glanced down to his side, seeing the imprint of the bodies which had been lying next to him when he went to sleep. The man's right eye twitched.

"Dammit, you two..." he grumbled. "I know you say I don't get enough sleep... and that I'm more of a liability than an asset during our jobs... but I'm the boss, dammit! Don't just decide to let me sleep through the whole day! Even if I really needed it!"

The only answer he got was the quiet giggling of a girl in the next room, and the grunting of one of his good-for-nothing employees.

One of Zenzo's "escorts", no doubt.

Growling irritably, Gin pulled a pillow over his head and tried to go back to sleep.

* * *

_Translation notes:_

_none_

* * *

A/N: I had basically no real idea what I wanted to do with this chapter. Hard to tell what to do, when I'm not sure what people like about a fic, and what they don't like... *shameless hinting*

On an unrelated note, due to a combination of my tax returns, higher income from longer hours at work, and my existence as a weak-willed impulse buyer, I now own the first ten volumes of the _Hayate the Combat Butler_ manga, as well as the complete first four seasons of _Digimon_ (ah, nostalgia...) and a whole bunch of other miscellaneous Senran Kagura Burst for my 3DS (after buying the first two volumes of the _Skirting Shadows_ manga a while back...)

I should really get myself a proper bookshelf, or something. Half of my books, DVD, and manga are scattered all over my bed just because I have nowhere else to put them.

**Updated: **3-13-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


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